Help! Christmas is lost!! It was here somewhere, ages ago…..
So what happened to Christmas? I’m an atheist, so don’t buy into the biblical stories … but for lack of an alternative reason for a two-day holiday and the traditional family get-together, it’ll do. However, somewhere along the way, big business, the media, or a secret government agency we have yet to identify hijacked it all and created a monster.
Here’s my summary of the Christmas just gone and where to from here.
At 9pm, on my way home from a late night ‘whip around’ the mall (one of many), I am contemplating what Christmas has become to a mother of 3 in 2015. As I write this, I am being bombarded with Christmas stress, and I’m hiding in the trenches trying to gather my wits. I have the shakes and am wondering how one goes about ordering marijuana. That I’m not in Holland is suddenly inconvenient. #willsettleforwine
Everywhere I look I am confronted with the idea that Christmas has a prescribed format: ye shall have all presents wrapped so gorgeously that they are practically a work of art. And lo, ye shall be the creator of a meal worthy of the final of MasterChef. On the day of celebration, thou shalt present yourself like a vision, like a dream – hair quaffed and nails perfected – resplendant in a new dress, new shoes and jewels. #expensivewinerequired
I am becoming highly conscious of the fact that I ask myself annually, about this insanity we allow into our lives every December. This festive, frivolous (and other f-words) month has become a scary vortex of time and money into which both get sucked into at break- neck speeds, whilst relationships get tested and tried over both. And then we get spat out on the beach in January, looking like a pack of (broke) stunned mullets nursing our credit card wounds. #winetakesthepainaway
So lets discuss the tree. We were not ‘hosting’ Christmas for wider family this year – it was all outsourced. But I still wanted a decent tree (I can’t figure out why now). Me and the kids identified THE BEST TREE on the lot, and the ‘kind man’ cut that bad boy down. I proudly hauled my ‘kill’ home in the people-mover (squashing 3 kids faces into the windows of the left hand side just to accommodate this fine specimen). In the Christmas songs they discuss such concepts as “Joy”, and “Merry”, and “Kissing under some exotic berry”. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, hubby and I had a ‘bonding session’ over the cost of said tree, it’s placement in the room, pine-needle rash, the sap on the carpet, and the incident of the ‘pine needle in the eye’. Merry f******n Christmas poo bum (love you). Turns out we don’t even have time to decorate a tree anymore…. It’ll be a twig next year. #anotherwine
I’m thinking of suing the mall. After doing the ‘carpark stalk’ for 30 mins, I arrive at the mall in a relatively positive ‘lets get this done’ mood, with money in hand. I leave looking like a jungle-fighter on magic mushrooms. I feel robbed … of both my hard-earned money and my sanity. How are you supposed to make sensible purchasing decisions in that chaos? The sheer confusion created by multi-sensory attacks, from the tiresome Christmas music that makes me want to punch an old lady, to the chintz and sparkle of decorations right down to the overstocked isles of goods one almost has to trip over drives me INSANE. This is NOT NORMAL. #whereisthebar
The predictable (and ofttimes pretentious) “We MUST catch up for a wine before Christmas” echos on smartphone screens and emails around the world. Why? Is it the end of the world as we know it on December 25th ? Do you know something I don’t….like, am I gonna die? A mammoth diary-management task ensues that almost requires the services of a PA! Right at a time when we can least afford the time or money. (Or have I been reading this wrong all these years….maybe this is just a seasonal mantra….it’s not ACTUALLY supposed to be taken SERIOUSLY…..) #wineinJanuaryanyone?
For the month and a half preceding the dreaded date, I was actually struggling to write a list of what the kids ‘needed’ for Christmas. The reality is, they just don’t. I felt incredible guilt telling family what the kids might want, when I know only too well that less than 5km away, there are a growing number of good families struggling to put food on the table. It hit me, when me and my husband spent 3 days, in shifts, wrapping presents, that this is vulgar. This is gluttony. Not only was that precious time we could’ve spent together cuddling in front of a good movie or relaxing with our favourite activities, it was a volume of gifts that placed a dubious religeous celebration over their own birthdays. It felt so wrong that I needed to cleanse myself in the shower. #winehelps
And don’t get me started on keeping up the Santa story….. #hedrankmywine
So now what?
So after my “ ..nth” Christmas, I am fed up. And I’m putting a stake in the ground. The kids don’t need a filthy pile of shite they don’t need. They actually love the family get together where the food is good and the adults loosen up a bit on champagne and beer.
I’m done with the stress of flying around the mall at 11pm buying shit for other people who also don’t need anything.
I’m not going to go to every wine event, every get together, every Christmas do. If we mean something to each other….we will see each other through the year.
I’m going to make sure that Christmas is meaningful next year. I’m not a grinch, my kids will get a couple of good presents they actually really want. I will tell everyone else to keep their money though, spend it on their kids/their holiday/themselves. Honour their birthdays – that’s the time to be a bit selfish. Nobody needs that much stuff.
If a secret-santa thing comes up – I’ll bake. I can’t stand the thought of all that cheap crap we buy each other that fills up landfill, and is destroying the countries that manufacture said cheap crap.
I will make sure that, for the first time, our family does something for people who really do need some cheer.
I may revive the art of the Christmas Card. That is a nice idea. Something personal, arriving in the post, just for you. Not a multi-text/email. But a card….with a personal message, a family photo and in my hand-writing.
I’m looking forward to sharing my home, my food, good conversation and some bloody good wine with my family next Christmas.
Cheers.
